I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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