I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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