Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
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I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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