remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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