Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
