i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
