I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
