i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
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I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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