Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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