You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
