You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
