i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
