I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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