Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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