Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i was born a porn star she said
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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