I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
