Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
