We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They took my balls.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
