why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
