girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
