my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
