He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
