Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
