You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
