I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
