Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
