Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
