I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
