awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize