Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
