I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
