College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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