I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize