that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
