My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
