And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
