If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
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Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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