i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
