apparently the secret to your success is patron
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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