I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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