She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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