Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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