So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
