I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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