Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
