____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
