if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
