I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
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You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
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You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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