we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
