she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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