So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
