just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
