i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
