I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
