tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
