I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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