i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
