i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think I am morally bankrupt
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
