Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
