Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It was confusing and full of hummus
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
