went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
