Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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