Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
