Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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