I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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