david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
