The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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