a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
BRING THE BAGELS
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm like, not good at living.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
