I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
